


When I grow old, I am going to be the man growing old with you.

by little_werewolf



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-21
Updated: 2011-11-21
Packaged: 2017-10-26 09:45:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/281572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_werewolf/pseuds/little_werewolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When I grow old, I am going to be the man growing old with you.

**Author's Note:**

> I was asked to write some fluff again, so here goes my attempt to do so. Thank you to my beta for doing a great job like always and for M. for just telling me to get on with it while I was going through some last panic writing issues. :D

_“Well, just fuck off, then!”_

 _There was the sound of glass shattering, and Remus was certain that the glass Sirius had just been holding had now been smashed against the nearest wall._

 _“Well, maybe I will! I don’t need you to survive!” Remus shouted back, already rushing up the stairs towards their bedroom._

 _He couldn’t remember how the fight had started, or how it had gotten so out of hand. He could just remember the scent on Sirius’s clothes, jealousy and pain flaring up inside him, making him want to run away as fast as possible and hide from the truth standing right in front of him._

 _As soon as he reached the bedroom of the cottage they had just moved into, Remus pulled out his wand and charmed his belongings into his trunk. It took him a while to get everything together, and when he headed back down the stairs with his trunk in hand, Sirius was standing in the doorway of their living room, his expression cold._

 _“So, you’re really leaving?” Sirius asked coldly making a shiver run down Remus’s spine._

 _“Thought I was lying, did you?” Remus asked sarcastically, trying his hardest to mask the pain filling him with every step he took. “Well, you no longer have to worry about that. I will be out of your life soon enough, then you don’t have to decide whether to believe me or not,” he continued, reaching out for his cloak on the coat hanger._

 _“Where will you go?” Sirius asked, and Remus wondered whether he had heard just the slightest hint of worry in Sirius’s voice or maybe he had simply imagined it._

 _“That’s none of your business,” Remus retorted keeping his perfect calm mask on. He knew if he gave in now he wouldn’t be able to go through with this, even though staying would be just as hard._

 _Risking a last glance at Sirius, Remus folded his cloak over his arm and with his wand in hand disapparated._

Remus awoke with a small gasp, sitting up in bed and clutching at his chest as he took in deep breaths to calm his rapidly beating heart. Another nightmare, another night of worry and his hand immediately reached for the other side of his bed, whimpering as he found it as empty as it had been for the last half year. Letting out a heavy sigh, Remus swung his legs out of the bed, his toes curling into the carpet and then pushed himself up to stand. There was no way he would be able to go back to sleep now, not when the images were still so vivid in his mind.

Wearing nothing but his boxers and t-shirt, Remus padded down the stairs towards the kitchen. The cottage he lived in wasn’t that big, but it was home and most important, it had a secure cellar. Rubbing his eyes, Remus reached out for the kettle and walked over to the sink to fill it up. It wasn't until he was putting the kettle back on the stove, that he realised that he should have brought a candle along from the living room. The electricity had been cut off a few days ago, and Remus wondered how much longer it would be before the warming charms would stop working properly and he would have to rely on the heat from the fire place alone. Pushing those worrying thoughts away he squinted to make sure he saw the stove properly and managed to turn it on with a few tries.

Finding a mug and his tea bags was an easier task, and soon enough he was able to curl up in the corner of his living room couch, with one of the blankets wrapped tightly around himself and the mug of freshly brewed tea in his hands.

He had never been a good sleeper. Sirius had always teased him, saying that Moony apparently wanted to come out to play at night, which made Remus smile and calmed him enough to fall asleep seconds later. Then, there had been the nights when he felt the pull of the moon, and his sexual frustration had been so high that he and Sirius would fuck for hours before Remus was able to find his way back to sleep. Sirius had never complained, no matter how short their nights would be, there had always been that soft smile on the man’s lips, reassuring Remus that everything was alright.

Now, his bed was empty, and Remus couldn’t even muster the energy to masturbate in an attempt to calm his mind. It just didn’t feel right, and staying in bed after a nightmare didn’t work either because the chill from the empty bed would always make him want to leave it as quickly as possible. These days, Remus would spend his nights awake, drinking tea or whatever else he could find in his spare home, watching the night sky and worry about things he was no longer able to control.

After that fight with Sirius, after disapparating to his parents’ home in the hope of taking refuge there, Remus had regretted leaving right away. There had, however, been that nagging feeling of anger that had stopped him from returning. Sirius didn’t trust him, Remus couldn’t understand why and had no idea how to make the other man see sense, he just knew that he couldn’t return to that. So, he had stayed with his parents for a while, hiding away from his friends and everything that used to comfort him.

He had moved into this cottage only a few months ago. Apparently, no one had wanted the house since the previous owner had been killed by Death Eaters, and people were scared that living there might make them the next targets. Remus hadn’t cared, neither had he cared about the magical creatures that lived in the nearby forest, and had taken the house in a heartbeat. He had set up all the important wards and enchantments to leave out unwanted guests and had gone on with his life as if nothing had ever been wrong.

Of course, nothing had ever gone according to his plans, and by the time autumn had arrived, Remus found himself wondering just how much longer he would be able to survive. He had no job, which meant no income, which in the process meant no possible way of buying food or any other necessities. His father had taken to filling up the fridge once a week, but Remus preferred not to end up dependent on him.

Letting out a small sigh, Remus pulled the blanket tighter around himself and took a sip of his tea. His gaze moved over to the 3 day old edition of the Daily Prophet his father had brought along the other day. It had been hard to read and when he had seen the cover, he had thought that he was caught in one of his worst nightmares. Lily and James were dead. His best friends were dead, and that thought alone let such a numb feeling spread through him that he so far hadn’t even managed to shed a tear.

Then, there had been the small article in the corner, about a trial and Sirius. He hadn’t read anything, he hadn’t wanted to. Living together felt like such a long time ago, and now that his best friends were dead there was nothing to return to.

Feeling an irrational surge of anger spread through him, Remus raised the mug and threw it across the room. He listened in satisfaction as the pottery smashed against the floor, pressing his eyes tightly closed as the pain only seemed to be getting worse with every moment. “You fucking bastard,” Remus murmured under his breath, taking in a deep breath and then moving to get up. He would have to clean up the mess on his floor and then attempt to make himself another mug of tea.

He hesitated before he reached for his wand, his hand hanging in the air as if he was attempting to reach out for something or someone who wasn’t there.

Just like how the mug had shattered on the floor, his life seemed to be crumpling around him. Whimpering softly, Remus let himself sink back down on the couch, a shudder going through his body as he felt everything catching up to him and a sob escaped his lips. He had no idea what brought it on, but suddenly being alive when his best friends were dead felt so unfair. It felt as if someone had stabbed him in the chest, had turned the knife several times and then attempted to push it even deeper.

“You fucking, fucking bastard!” he screamed once more, because nothing no longer made sense.

When he finally managed to come back to his senses, he found himself curled up on the couch, his legs drawn up against his chest and his whole body shaking. He couldn’t remember how exactly he had gotten into this position, but it left him feeling raw. His eyes and the back of his throat burned, and all he wanted to do was to scream into the night and forget everything. It was followed by a feeling of deep exhaustion, and before Remus could even finish his next thought he was already drifting into sleep.

By the time he woke up again, it was already morning. The sun had risen but had quickly been hidden by grey, heavy clouds and Remus could hear the quiet patter of rain against the windows. Opening his eyes, he slowly scanned the room, making sure that he hadn’t left any more damage than he remembered. Rubbing the last sleep out of his eyes, Remus sat up and got off the couch. He went back upstairs to his bedroom at first, dressing into some warm clothes and then headed back downstairs, wand in hand.

After having cleaned up the mess he had created in the living room, he then headed back into the kitchen, planning to make himself a fresh mug of tea which he hoped he wouldn’t end up smashing against the next piece of furniture in frustration.

He got as far as sitting at his kitchen table, tea mug in one hand and staring down at the newest edition of the Daily Prophet which his father had owled him that morning. Everything was still about the deaths of James and Lily Potter, how they had met their downfall; closely followed by the people who had been found to be Death Eaters and their trials. He had just reached the article about the newest trial, and his eyes had just fallen on Peter's name when there was a sharp knock on the door.

Remus frowned.

He could think of no one who would come to visit him and knock at the door. His father always floo’ed in or apparated straight into Remus’s hallway, mostly managing to scare the wits out of him in the process. What confused him even more about this knock, was that Remus had strengthened the wards so much around the place that no one should have been able to come through.

The person knocked again, and this time it made Remus draw his wand and head for the front door. Death Eaters wouldn’t knock, it had been a while since the Ministry had stopped tagging him and Remus didn’t have any neighbours who might come around for tea. With the possible exception of the young girl from the supermarket who apparently had gotten the idea that she had a crush on Remus. The werewolf shuddered. Now, while he didn’t mind the female gender, it had its perks just like the male one, she just wasn’t his type and he hadn’t yet had the heart to let her down.

“I am coming!” Remus shouted as the third knock resounded through the cottage.

When he finally did open the door, with his wand tightly clutched in his hand, he was surprised to see none other than Albus Dumbledore standing on his porch.  _Figures_ , Remus thought to himself and then grew completely still as he seconds later spotted Sirius behind the older wizard. Sirius, holding a sleeping Harry in his arms, and looking like Remus had never seen him before. Lost. Vulnerable. Hurt. But the expression seemed to disappear a split second after, and a calm, unreadable expression washed over Sirius’s face.

“Ahh, Remus, good to see you're home. Might we come in for a tea?” Dumbledore asked after having cleared his throat, thereby managing to attract Remus’s attention again.

“Of course, Headmaster, please,” Remus replied automatically, stepping aside to let Dumbledore into the cottage closely followed by Sirius.

Feeling like he wanted to scream, Remus’s body acted automatically. Without realising what he was doing, Remus had gone into the kitchen and prepared tea for all of them. Somehow, he had managed to find some chocolate chip cookies in the pantry, which he then a few minutes later levitated into the living room along with the tea.

When automatic turned off again, he found himself sitting on the couch with Sirius and Harry, while Dumbledore was sitting in the armchair opposite.

“How can I be of help, Headmaster?” Remus asked, immediately coming to the point. He had a nagging feeling what the man was going to ask of him, and he wasn’t entirely too sure he was ready for that. He risked a glance at Sirius who, until now, hadn’t said anything, hadn’t even greeted Remus or even registered he was there. He figured that was to be expected after what had happened the last time they had seen each other, and Remus wondered why he was even attempting to make eye contact.

“Well, I was hoping that you’d be able to house Sirius and little Harry for a while,” Dumbledore said in a matter of fact voice that Remus knew meant that it was not up for discussion. Still, his mind went back to the fight between he and Sirius, and his insides clenched at the mere thought of having to share a place with Sirius again.

“Are you sure there is no other way, Headmaster?” Remus couldn’t help but ask, and he noticed out of the corner of his eyes that Sirius finally looked at him. Remus winced as he realised that he had no idea what the other man was thinking right now, and turned his whole attention back to Dumbledore.

“No. I can assure you, Remus, that there is not.” Dumbledore’s voice was firm and it once more held the message that Remus shouldn’t even be considering discussing this for another second. Remus couldn’t help but glare at Dumbledore, then got up from the couch. He walked over to the large windows, crossing his arms over his chest, wondering how they were supposed to make this work.

Sirius hadn’t trusted Remus in who knows how long. Remus was a werewolf, a danger to Harry during the full moon. And first of all, how were they supposed to make a living, not to mention living in a place where everything was falling apart.

“I am sure…” and that was Sirius’s voice, making Remus glance back over his shoulder.

“This is settled then,” Dumbledore simply replied. He moved to get up from the armchair he had been sitting in and headed back towards the hallway.

Letting out a heavy sigh, Remus followed the older man towards the front door. Even if he wasn’t too happy with Dumbledore right now he wasn’t about to forget his manners. He knew that no matter what he said, it wouldn’t change the situation the slightest bit, so instead he started to worry what was going to happen once he and Sirius were alone in his home. Oh, and Harry, who right now seemed a rather good buffer between them.

“Sir…” Remus started, not really sure what he was going to say but somewhere deep inside he still felt the need to fight this.

“It will be alright, Remus, you’ll see,” Dumbledore simply replied, turning around to send Remus that warm smile the werewolf had always classified as the ‘my meddling always turns out well’ smile. “I’ll be back in a few days once you are settled, then we can go over the protective wards the three of you will be needing,” he added in a firmer voice, and Remus wondered whether the other man's real intention was to make sure that Sirius and Remus hadn’t yet killed each other.

“Of course,” Remus simply replied and then watched Dumbledore step outside and disapparate with a small flick of his wand.

Running a hand over his tired face, Remus closed the front door again and headed back towards the living room. Sirius was still sitting on the couch with Harry in his arms, and for a moment he couldn’t help but simply watch them. In the end, when Sirius finally noticed he was back and looked up at him, Remus told himself if there was one person for whom he would try to make this work, it was Harry. He deserved to have his parents' last remaining friends be there for him to take care of him, and not be bickering at each other the whole time.

“This place isn’t much, but there is a second bedroom that Harry can have, and…” Remus started, feeling the sudden urge to defend himself to Sirius. He wanted to show the other man that he had been managing just fine living on his own the last few months, and that he could have easily continued living alone. Which was a lie through and through, but Remus had his pride, and right now he wasn’t willing to admit that it wouldn't have been long before he would have come close to starving.

“It will be alright,” Sirius simply replied and for once Remus actually believed him.

After they had tucked Harry into Remus’s bed, had set enough spells around him so that the toddler wouldn’t suddenly roll over and fall out of bed, they had retreated back downstairs to get straight to business. Remus had only been able to watch as Sirius had written a huge list of groceries and other necessities, which had included various children’s toys, and then had sent it off with Remus’s owl. Once that had been taken care of, the first fight had nearly erupted between them as Sirius had found the unpaid electricity and water bills. However, the shouting match had never come, and instead the bills were paid with a few owls to Gringotts, making Remus feel kind of lost in his own place.

Only when they had finally gotten through the day and it was time for bed, did they have to face the inevitable question. Haven given Harry the spare bedroom, only left Remus’s bedroom for him and Sirius, as well as the couch, which wasn’t really that comfortable to sleep on.

“I can take the couch.”

“Don’t be stupid.”

“It’s really not that much of a problem…”

“Don’t be stupid, Remus. We’ve shared a smaller bed before,” Sirius retorted and Remus felt something clench inside of him. They hadn’t even discussed this once throughout the day, and suddenly Remus really wished to know where they stood. Before everything had fallen apart, they had been lovers like they were supposed to be, a couple sharing a home. Now it only felt weird, and Remus had no idea where they stood right now.

For a while, the two just looked at each other, and in the end it was Sirius who moved first. It was a swift and fluid movement, and when Remus blinked he found Padfoot on his bed. He watched the dog turn around a few times before he curled up at the foot end of the bed, the tip of his black tail wagging slowly in contentment. Feeling a small smile growing, Remus switched off the lights and then followed Padfoot into bed. Pulling the covers up tightly around himself, Remus let his gaze wander down to Padfoot, a warm, comfortable and so familiar feeling entering his senses. No longer able to fight off his exhaustion, he let his eyes fall closed and drifted into a deep, calm sleep.

When Remus awoke again, the sun was just starting to shine through the window, and as he stretched out on the bed he suddenly felt something curled up over his legs. Shocked, his eyes flew open, haven forgotten all about having Padfoot in his bed, and then felt a relieved smile lighting up his face as he saw the black dog curled up against him with his head resting over Remus’s legs.

For a moment, everything seemed back to normal, and it gave Remus a sense of familiarity that he had missed for a very long time. And while his mind attempted to deal with this, Padfoot’s eyes opened. Brown and amber eyes met and Remus feel his throat grow dry. Those eyes always did it to him, no matter if it was Padfoot or Sirius. They always somehow managed to look right into his soul, and while Remus had always felt warmed by that fact, right now, it made him feel rather vulnerable.

Swallowing, Remus opened his mouth to say something as a loud wail echoed through the room.

The mood was abruptly broken, and the dog, now man was heading out of the bedroom, leaving Remus alone. A shiver went down Remus’s spine, suddenly feeling very much alone and the room seemed somehow colder. Quickly shaking off the feeling again, he climbed out of bed and pulled on a pair of trousers before heading downstairs into the kitchen.

By the time Sirius reached the kitchen with Harry in his arms, Remus had made tea, coffee for Sirius and a large breakfast. His mother had once said that a good, healthy breakfast could wash away all the problems in the world, and he sincerely hoped that this was going to be true for them as well.

 _“Moony…”_

 _“I am sleeping.”_

 _“Sure you are, budge over, will you.”_

 _“… this bed is way too small for us.”_

 _“That has never stopped you before.”_

 _“…”_

 _“Why weren’t you sleeping?”_

 _“I wasn’t tired.”_

 _“So you’ve been reading… what, ‘The Neverending Story’. What is this?”_

 _“Muggle fiction.”_

 _“Ohh… will you read it to me?”_

 _“Yeah, sure, if you want to.”_

 _“Moony?”_

 _“Yeah, Pads?”_

 _“I will always love you.”_

 _“I know Padfoot… I know.”_

Neither of them ever again mentioned what had happened between them that morning, and instead they slowly slipped into a daily routine that would keep them at a healthy distance. True to his word, Dumbledore had come by a few days later and with both of their permission had performed the Fidelius Charm. With Dumbledore as their secret keeper and promising the headmaster that they would not try to do anything stupid, Remus and Sirius tried their hardest to get adapted to a life in constant hiding.

At first, it had been difficult between them, but Harry had given them enough to do, distracting them from their own personal problems. So, at the end of the second week, all the problems seemed to have disappeared into thin air, leaving them focused on the same goal of giving Harry a warm and welcoming home. The only fights they still had were about who was going to change Harry’s diaper in the middle of the night, the last one having resulted in him throwing a full diaper at Sirius’s head. Remus had to admit it had been a rather disgusting sight, but it had been so amusing that both he and Sirius had ended up in fits of laughter. Harry had apparently found it amusing too because he had started to laugh as well and then had decided he was done sleeping for the night.

There were other things that Remus had been forced to get used to, like the fact that he was sharing a bed with Padfoot every night. After the first few nights with Padfoot, he had told Sirius that he didn’t mind the other man sharing a bed with him, but still, no matter how much of an effort they put into it, some kind of barrier remained between them. So Padfoot had remained. It had been weird at first sharing a bed with Padfoot every night, but it hadn’t taken long for Remus to get used to it, after all, having a dog in bed also held its advantages. Sometimes, he would lie awake in bed, stroking gently through Padfoot’s fur and listening to the dog's deep and calming breathing, letting himself be lulled into a deep, content sleep.

Three weeks had now passed since Sirius and Harry came to live with him, and Remus had almost forgotten the full moon until he felt it pulling at his muscles the morning before the change. They hadn’t even made any plans for the full moon yet, only that Remus would as usual lock himself up in his cellar and stay there until the moon had disappeared again.

“Sirius… we need to talk,” Remus said quietly after they had cleaned up the breakfast table and Harry was busy in his playpen in the living room.

“What is it?” Sirius asked, leaning back against the kitchen counter with his third mug of coffee in his hands. Remus would never understand how Sirius could stand that brew, but he guessed it was the same with how he felt about his tea so he had never commented on it.

“It’s the full moon tonight,” Remus simply replied, busying his hands by putting the plates back on the shelves. He knew that he could do it with magic but right now he needed the distraction, anything that would keep his mind from thinking of how his body was going to change into a monster, hoping the enchantments in the cellar would be enough to hold him in.

“Fuck… I completely forgot,” was Sirius’s instant reaction and Remus couldn’t help but let out a soft laugh, glad to see that he hadn’t been the only one distracted.

“Do you need Padfoot...?”

“No, you stay with Harry,” Remus immediately interrupted, his back to Sirius, his hands resting on the cupboard for a moment. Sighing heavily, he leaned forward to rest his forehead against the cool, wooden doors as well.

“But…” Sirius attempted to interject, but Remus simply raised a hand to silence him.

“You need to keep Harry safe. If anything fails… I…I couldn’t forgive myself. You need to be able to disapparate with Harry and keep him safe,” Remus simply replied logically. Not giving Sirius a chance to reply, Remus moved to stand up straight again and left the kitchen for his study. It was the only safe haven he had at the moment, the only place where Sirius would leave him alone, and he needed that right now.

Leaving the door to the hallway open, Remus reached for his all time favourite book and settled down on the old couch. Curling up there, he let his fingers caress along the cover, feeling a small smile flitter across his face. ‘The Neverending Story’ written by Michael Ende, a book that he had loved as a child which still fascinated him as an adult. It was a story that he could read time and again without ever growing bored. Every time, he would discover something new, another small detail he hadn’t noticed before would spring to life and entice his imagination. It also helped him to calm down, like now, where he simply wanted to shut off his mind and not think about tonight.

“Well then, Bastian, what have you got for me this time?” Remus murmured to himself, opening to the first page and letting himself get lost in the book.

When he finally took in his surroundings again, Sirius was standing next to him, holding a plate of sandwiches.

“I thought you might be hungry, I just put Harry down for his nap,” Sirius said quietly, and Remus couldn’t help but notice that the other man was looking a little hesitant. He wondered whether Sirius expected him to lash out at him at any moment, or maybe he was just testing the waters, unsure how awake Moony already was in Remus’s mind.

“Thanks,” Remus replied, moving to sit up properly and watching with surprise as Sirius sat down on the floor in front of the couch. Usually, they avoided any unnecessary interaction, especially when Harry wasn’t around. Still, he couldn’t help but feel grateful for the company right now as he could feel the moon's pull growing stronger, and soon enough, he would have to go lock himself up in the cellar.

“Eat,” Remus frowned for a moment until he realised that Sirius was holding up the plate with sandwiches right under his nose. Glaring at the black-haired man for a moment, he reached out for one of the sandwiches. He couldn’t help but let out a soft groan as he bit into it, roast beef sandwiches, how on earth did Sirius still remember those were Remus's favourites? He closed his eyes for a moment in bliss, only to open them again as he felt the book being pulled from his lap.

“You still have that book…” Sirius said softly, and Remus watched, feeling a bit nervous as Sirius opened the book. He had always felt like that when Sirius touched his books, nervous that the other man would decide to do something stupid with it, like throwing it out a window. “You read it to me while we were still at Hogwarts,” the man continued and Remus took another bite from his sandwich to keep himself from answering.

For a while neither of them said anything, and Remus watched as Sirius read the first page of the book. He had never known Sirius to be interested in reading, and Remus was still now amazed how they had gotten through this one without Sirius shouting the whole time that he was bored.

“Do you mind if I borrow one of your books tonight?” Sirius asked hesitantly after a while, and it took Remus a moment to realise why.

“No, of course not. I… I might actually have something you’ll like,” Remus answered after a moment of thought. Getting up from the couch, he walked over to the shelf and pulled out a heavy, hardcover book. Finishing up the sandwich with a few bites, he cleaned his hand on his trousers and then brushed it over the cover of the book. Nodding to himself, he walked back to the couch and sat down again, this time with his feet on the floor right next to Sirius.

“Here, you’ll like this. Sherlock Holmes,” he explained, curious to see what Sirius’s reaction would be.

“Muggle fiction?” was Sirius’s first question and Remus nodded. He pulled one of his legs up under himself and placed his hand on his stomach, fighting the growing nausea. He never stomached food that well so close to moonrise, but it had been roast beef sandwiches and he knew that Sirius wouldn’t have let him leave the room without eating at least a little.

“Sherlock is a consulting detective, something like an Auror, and he and his sidekick Watson solve cases together. Well, read it for yourself and then tell me what you think about it,” Remus explained, gently rubbing his stomach. He stopped the motion as he noticed that Sirius was watching him, a concerned expression on the other man’s face.

“Alright there?” Sirius asked and his hand was reaching out as if to touch Remus, but stopped halfway, as if deciding that it had been a bad idea.

“Yeah, I am fine,” Remus replied, his voice sounding oddly dejected. Taking in a deep breath, he pushed himself back up to stand and rubbed his back. “I should go down to the cellar,” he said distractedly, trying to do anything but look at Sirius.

“Do you need any help?” Remus knew that Sirius had only meant it in a nice way, but his insides clenched instantly and he took a small step away from Sirius in the process.

“No, I’ll be alright,” he ended up replying and started to head for the door. He waited for a second as he stood in the doorway, as if wanting to encourage Sirius to object and come along anyway, but the words never came. “See you tomorrow morning,” he added quietly and then stepped completely out of the room and towards the door that led to the cellar.

The full moon had never been easy for Remus, but spending it alone had always taken a toll on his body. It had made a huge difference for him when Padfoot was there to keep him company, instead of when he would have to spend the night tearing at his own flesh, frustrated at being alone. Tonight wasn’t any different. What was different, however, was how he woke up again.

The first thing he remembered from that morning was Sirius’s voice. It seemed to be all around him, and even if he couldn’t exactly remember what the voice had said, it made him feel rather well taken care of. Then, there had been warmth, the feeling of his blanket and sheets against his burning skin. He could remember protesting at some point, but it hadn’t lasted long as something had been pressed against his lips and he was drinking down cool, foul tasting liquid, which had him falling asleep seconds later.

When he finally awoke, or more precisely, once he was actually lucid enough to notice what was going on around him, the sky visible through the windows had already darkened again. Remus found himself lying in his bed, curled up tightly under his covers, which seemed to have been enchanted with a warming charm; and with the light on the nightstand turned on. He remained quiet for a while, and noticing that the whole house was rather quiet, wondered for a moment whether Harry had already been tucked in. That thought was, however, quickly answered as Sirius entered the room, carrying an already very tired looking Harry in his arms.

“See, I told you Moony would say goodnight to you,” Sirius said in a hushed voice, making a small smile appear on Remus’s face as he realised that Sirius still remembered how sensitive some of his senses remained right after the transformation.

“Moony!” Harry said excitedly, stretching his arms out to Remus in a sudden burst of energy while wriggling in Sirius’s arms.

“Careful there, Prongslet. Moony’s still very tired, you’ve got to be nice to him,” Sirius said softly, and Remus watched with a tired smile as he gently put Harry down on the bed next to Remus. The werewolf watched as the toddler very slowly crawled up to his head, then kneeled next to him and reached out to pat Remus gently on the cheek. Feeling suddenly overwhelmed by the gesture, Remus could feel tears filling his eyes and he slowly reached up to stroke some hair out of Harry’s face.

“Sleep well, pup, don’t let the bed bugs bite, and tomorrow morning I’ll make you pancakes for breakfast,” Remus promised, his voice still hoarse from the transformation. Harry seemed to be satisfied with this promise, and let himself be carried back to his own bedroom a few seconds later.

When Sirius returned, alone this time, Remus had managed to push himself up into a sitting position. He wasn’t hungry yet, and he didn’t think himself able to get on his feet any time soon, but being able to sit already felt rather good. While Sirius had been gone, Remus had noticed that Sirius had done a pretty good job of healing him, thereby giving him a good chance of actually being able to get up again tomorrow morning. Remus had always sucked at healing himself, he had just never grasped healing charms that well, which was rather annoying really. Therefore, he was glad that he for once would not be stuck in bed any longer than necessary.

“Feeling okay there?” Sirius asked, moving to sit down on the edge of the bed. Remus was just about to reply when he felt the familiar hand on his leg, something that had always made him feel close to Sirius after such a rough night, and had given him comfort even when he couldn’t stand to be touched so close after the moon. However, today, it made him thoughtful, and it made him wonder for the first time in weeks if there was a small chance that he and Sirius might get back together again.

“Yeah… I guess,” Remus replied, feeling a little thrown off guard. He reached up to run a hand through his hair and then smiled slightly as he looked at Sirius.

“Good… I… I really like the Sherlock Holmes book you lent me,” Sirius mumbled, looking away for a moment and Remus was sure that he could see a small blush growing on Sirius’s cheeks.

“I thought you would. Tell me what you think of it once you’re done,” Remus said sincerely, blushing himself now as he heard his stomach growl loudly in hunger.

“That’s my cue to get you something to eat,” and with those words Sirius was already up and out the door, leaving Remus to wonder what all this had been about.

For some reason, everything seemed to become easier between them from that moment on. It felt like they were back at the flirting stage, and every now and then Remus would find himself with Sirius’s arm around his shoulders. Or they would joke like nothing had ever happened, nudging the other's shoulder or simply reaching out in an comforting gesture. Nevertheless, it was still Padfoot who shared Remus’s bed at night and he knew that as long as that didn’t change, they would just be friends, and maybe that wasn’t such a bad idea.

By the time the second full moon had come and gone, Christmas now approaching and the first snow covering the garden, Remus awoke one night to find Padfoot nowhere in sight. Frowning with worry, he climbed out of bed, pulled on his robe and headed down to the living room. True to his instincts, Sirius was sitting there on the couch, the only source of light being the dying fire in the fireplace. At first, Remus wondered if he should leave Sirius alone and go upstairs again but then decided against it. They were bound to spend quite a lot of time together in the considerable future, they might as well be there for one another.

“Sirius?” Remus called out tentatively as he walked into the room, instantly moving to sit down next to the other man.

“Go back to bed, Remus,” Sirius replied after a while, not even turning his head to look at him.

“Too late, I am already here,” Remus countered with a small chuckle, hoping that it would somehow encourage Sirius to talk.

For a while, Sirius didn’t say anything, and when he finally did make a move it wasn’t the one Remus had expected. It felt as if someone had sped up time and suddenly he felt Sirius’s lips against his own, kissing him hungrily as if wanting to devour him. Once Remus had gotten over the initial shock his hands reached up to thread through Sirius’s hair and returned the kiss with the same passion. Until logic knocked at Remus’s consciousness.

“Sirius, don’t,” Remus gasped out as he felt a hand pushing under his shirt, his own hand reaching out to push at Sirius’s chest.

“Why not? Fucking hell, Moony, do you always have to think so much?” Sirius asked, and Remus winced as he heard the anger in his voice. Shocked by Sirius’s outburst, Remus pulled his hands away again and watched as Sirius got up from the couch and started pacing.

“Well, at least one of us does,” Remus couldn’t help but ground out at the end, no longer able to watch Sirius wear a hole in the floor. Getting up as well, he moved to stand in front of the other man in the hopes of stopping him, only to be met with a dark glare.

“Don’t blame me for all of this, Remus, you’re the one who walked out the door that day!” Sirius shouted and Remus immediately looked up at the ceiling, hoping that Sirius’s loud voice hadn’t woken up Harry. The toddler had just started to sleep through the night again, it wouldn’t do if Sirius's outburst woke him up.

“You were the one blaming me for treachery!” Remus said back angrily, trying to keep his voice low.

“I was not!” Sirius defended himself and Remus couldn’t stop himself from letting out a hoarse laugh.

“You weren’t, were you? So tell me, Sirius, when did you stop trusting me, or did I imagine that as well?” Remus said, moving to stand right in front of Sirius, sending him a dark glare.

At first, Sirius looked like he was going to reply, but then instead he simply stormed past Remus heading straight for the hallway. Dumbfounded for a moment, because Sirius had never been one to back out of an argument, Remus rushed after him. Once he had caught up with Sirius, he watched in confusion as the other man was pulling on his shoes.

“Where are you going?” Remus asked, crossing his arms over his chest to stop himself from reaching out for Sirius.

“I am leaving,” Sirius simply replied and turned towards the front door without a moment's hesitation.

“When are you coming back?” Remus requested but Sirius didn’t answer anymore. He watched with horror as the other man simply opened the front door and walked away from the house.

“Sirius!” Remus shouted as his mind finally realised what was going on. “Sirius, come back! Please Sirius, come back!” he continued, his control faltering as the all too familiar sound of disapparation echoed through the air, leaving Remus alone.

“Please Sirius, come back,” he whispered hoarsely, but the only reply he received was the sound of Harry wailing in his crib.

 _“Hi! I am Sirius Black, who are you?” Remus simply stared at the other boy in front of him, swallowing a little as he tried to find the right words to say._

 _“I am Remus,” he finally managed to answer, rubbing his hands nervously along his robes._

 _“Bugger off, Black, Remus is going to be my friend!” James interrupted, reaching out to grab Remus’s arm, attempting to pull him towards his bed. Remus, insecure as he was, didn’t have the courage to speak up and complain, that was, until he saw the crestfallen expression on Sirius’s face._

 _“I can be friends with both of you,” he said quickly, looking between the two boys with a nervous expression._

 _“That doesn’t work.”_

 _“No, it doesn’t.”_

 _For a while there was a bittersweet silence which was soon followed by the two boys wrestling on the floor._

 _“Guys! Stop it!” Remus finally shouted, looking rather embarrassed as both of the boys looked up at him._

 _“We’re going to be spending another 7 years with each other, we might as well get along,” he explained and for some reason the logic of his statement got through to them. He wondered for a moment if saying that had been such a good idea, as seconds later he found himself dragged into the common room, for the first of many nights in his years to come._

Remus stayed up all night, and when Sirius didn’t return the next morning, nor the next day, Remus was starting to worry he would never see the other man again. Of course, Harry had instantly noticed that Padfoot was missing and had made sure to let Remus know of his discomfort. Remus had thought that Harry had already tested out his lungs enough during their first week together, but he quickly realised that he was more than wrong.

The second night, when he had finally managed to get Harry to sleep, Remus had returned to the living room, staring blankly ahead of himself. It wasn’t the same without Sirius here, and he wondered how he could ever have walked out on Sirius back then. Only now he understood how much it must have hurt Sirius when Remus had left the house to never return.

“That was different,” Remus muttered to himself, instantly wondering if it had really been all that different. Had he seriously thought that Sirius no longer trusted him? What had happened to make him think something like that? Remus couldn’t really remember it but right now he just wished that Sirius would come back, returning everything to normal. Remus was more than ready to push everything that had happened aside and go back to how it had been before. Back to being a couple, lovers, boyfriends, however one wanted to call it. Remus wanted to once more be certain he wouldn't spend every morning waking up alone, maybe some day even die alone.

“I am so sorry,” he whispered to anyone listening and once more looked out the window. He could feel a tear sliding down his cheek as he saw that it had started to snow, and not the kind that would disappear in seconds either, but the heavy flakes that would cover the ground, turning everything into a beautiful white landscape.

Padfoot had always loved to catch the snowflakes on his snout, jumping and barking in the falling snow. In addition to everything else, Remus had let go of that as well, because he hadn’t been strong enough to make them work.

Taking in a deep breath, Remus tried regaining control of his emotions. He stood up, walked up to the large windows and leaned against the glass. He was hoping that somewhere in the distance, he would see Sirius returning, and then he could apologize and make up for all the stupid things he had said. However, after an hour had passed with still no sign of Sirius, Remus was giving up hope that the other man might ever come back.

Thinking that he wouldn’t be able to sleep any time soon, Remus had retreated back to the couch with a warm blanket and the idea that he would spend the night awake in case something might happen. However, as soon as he curled up on the couch, Remus found himself unable to keep his eyes open and had instantly drifted into a deep and exhausted sleep.

When he awoke again he noticed two things, firstly, he wasn’t on the couch anymore and secondly, freezing cold arms were wrapped around him, carrying him somewhere.

“Sirius?” Remus asked in a confused whisper, attempting to force his eyes open to see for himself if it was really the other man carrying him, and not Remus having some weird hallucination.

“You shouldn’t be sleeping on that couch, Moony, it’s not good for your back,” Remus didn’t know whether to cry out in happiness or hit Sirius over the head as he recognized the other man’s voice. Simply smiling to himself, Remus reached up to wrap his arms around the other man’s neck and buried his face into the man’s shoulder. Sirius felt cold, and slightly soggy, but he still smelled like he used to. It was a rather manly smell, mixed with a faint doggish scent that always reminded Remus of Padfoot.

He sighed softly as he was placed on the bed and immediately reached for Sirius’s wrist, wanting to make him stay, scared that if he fell asleep again Sirius would be gone when he woke. “I am sorry,” Remus blurted out, his eyes now wide open, quickly becoming accustomed to the darkness around them. At least one positive thing that he could tick off on having Lycanthropy.

“No… you were right,” Sirius replied, and only when he finally sat down on the edge of the bed did Remus dare let go of him again. Moving to sit behind Sirius, he reached out to carefully pull off Sirius’s jumper. He winced as he felt how wet it was, tugging it off a little faster and then letting it drop to the floor with a soft thud.

“I thought you would never come back,” Remus admitted as his hands reached for Sirius’s shirt, not even hesitating, wanting to get the other man naked as fast as possible.

“I didn’t want to at first… but then I thought about Harry and you. And I knew I just couldn’t leave the both of you alone,” Sirius replied quietly, turning his head so that he could look at Remus with a tentative smile. Remus, feeling like he was getting a second chance at life, stopped opening Sirius’s shirt and instead reached out to cup the other man’s face. Of course there was still a lot to talk about, but not tonight. So instead, Remus leaned in and pressed a light kiss against Sirius’s lips, as if wanting to say  _I am sorry, please forgive me, don’t ever leave me again._

What started out as an innocent kiss quickly changed into Sirius pushing him down on the bed and straddling Remus’s waist. Gasping softly in surprise, Remus pulled out of the kiss and felt his cheeks blush as he saw Sirius looking down at him with that hungry expression that had always been reserved for him alone.

“Sirius…” Remus groaned, any logic thought soon forgotten as he felt Sirius’s hands going for his clothes.

It didn’t take long before both of them were completely naked, and Remus couldn’t stop himself from arching up to let his growing erection rub against Sirius’s. It had been so long, and he was sure that it was going to be a little uncomfortable, but he wanted nothing more than to have Sirius inside him right now. “Fuck! Moony!” he heard Sirius gasp out, which was followed by a gasp of his own as he felt Sirius’s lips against his hot skin.

Usually, Remus would be the one to drag things out in bed, always having enjoyed it when Sirius would trail his tongue against his skin, or bite his hip, leaving a dark bruise. However, today the gentle kisses, and oh damn, Sirius had just reached his nipple and was sucking it slowly, it felt like torture to him.

“I want you in me… please…” Remus pleaded, letting out a hoarse laugh as Sirius looked back at him with a broad smile.

“I thought you’d never ask,” Sirius replied, reaching out for his wand on the nightstand.

It didn’t take Sirius long to mutter the spell and Remus whimpered as he felt cool lube filling him, a small shiver going down his spine. “Damn… that’s cold,” Remus mumbled, followed by a small chuckle. Any other thought was erased from his mind as Sirius pulled one of his legs over his shoulder and pushed a finger inside him.

“Argh!” Remus cried out, lips parted as his fingers grabbed at the sheets under him, eyes falling close.

“Don’t tell me that took you by surprise?” Sirius teased softly, and Remus felt like he barely had a moment to breathe before feeling the second finger joining the first. He couldn’t remember it ever feeling so good, those two fingers thrusting slowly, every now and then twisting inside him, moving to stretch him. Every now and then, Sirius would caress his inner walls with the tips of his fingers, hitting that spot inside him that made Remus cry out and arch his hips, wanting more.

“I am ready! Please,” Remus couldn’t help but beg after all. He couldn’t wait any longer, he wanted Sirius inside him now and not in what seemed a life time away.

“Someone is eager tonight,” Sirius whispered, pulling his fingers out and Remus watched as the other man coated his erection with a good amount of lube. Taking in a deep, calming breath, Remus adjusted a little on the bed to move closer to Sirius, thereby shifting his leg over Sirius's shoulder to a more comfortable angle.

No words were needed when Sirius positioned himself to Remus’s anus and then slowly pushed inside. It burned, not as bad as the first time, but the kind of burn that reminded him that it had been quite a while since he had last done this. However, it was quickly forgotten when Sirius started to thrust, deep slow strokes, filling Remus completely with every thrust. Soon enough, the pace quickened and Remus didn’t even try to hold back the moans as they forced their way up his throat.

Of course, it was over much too quickly, almost before it had even started. They both came crying out each other's names, looking completely spent and happy.

“Padfoot…?” Remus whispered after a while, reaching up to gently stroke through Sirius’s hair, a Sirius who was still lying on top of Remus, burying his face in Remus’s neck.

“Mhhh…” Sirius hummed in reply, and Remus chuckled as he realised that Sirius still fell asleep after a good orgasm.

“Don’t ever let me walk out on you again,” Remus said seriously, wrapping his arms around Sirius and holding on to him tightly.

“I won’t, I promise,” Sirius replied, raising his head and leaning in to kiss Remus tenderly.

 **_A few years later…_ **

“Have you got everything, Harry?” Remus asked, reaching out to run a hand through Harry’s hair, attempting to straighten it one last time.

“Yes, Moony,” Harry replied, reaching up to bat Remus’s hands away.

“Leave the poor boy alone, Remus, you're worse than Molly Weasley,” Sirius teased, but that didn’t stop him from pulling Harry into one more hug.

“Don’t forget to stay out of trouble…”

“And make sure to give Snape my regards…”

“…and if something is wrong then… he will do no such thing, Sirius!” Remus said, looking at Sirius with a stern expression, and reached out to grasp the back of Harry’s collar as the 11 year old boy tried to make a run for it.

“Of course not, love,” Sirius replied with an innocent smile, then looked up as he heard the first whistle go off. “You better get on the train, Harry, and owl us as soon as you can.”

After they both had hugged Harry again, Remus watched with Sirius as their boy climbed onto the train and then drove off with the other students to his first year at Hogwarts.

“Feels weird, doesn’t it?” Sirius asked quietly, wrapping his arm around Remus’s waist. Nodding slowly, Remus rested his head against Sirius’s shoulder and let out a small sigh. It would indeed be weird without Harry at home, some of the noise would definitely be missing.

Smiling, Remus leaned up to press a kiss against Sirius’s cheek and then lead the way back off the platform.

“I am sure you’ll make up for it,” he teased, chuckling as he felt Sirius squeeze his arse in reply and then move in front of him, walking backwards so that he could still look at Remus.

“Does that mean we finally get to fuck over the kitchen table?” Sirius asked with a broad grin, and Remus couldn’t help but laugh out loudly, followed by a mischievous grin.

“Yes, love, we can,” he simply replied, looking once more over his shoulder to where the train had just been.

He had Sirius. He had Harry. They were a proper little family. Life couldn’t be better.


End file.
